I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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