I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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