I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
