You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
