Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
