I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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