So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
try to milk me bitch
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