Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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