Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
