My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
