dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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