I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
