Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
