You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
