How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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