now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
