I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
