he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
