oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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