Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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