You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
