My room smells like vodka and shame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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