At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
These tits shall not be calmed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
