he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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