i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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