then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
