Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
