They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
