It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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