Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
