my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
