Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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