I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
