What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
