Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
