Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
