Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
