Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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