oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
