I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
