Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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