Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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