I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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