just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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