Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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