Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
