My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
