dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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