her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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