Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
