I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I want is dick and wine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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