Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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