spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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