Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I believe in your delicious
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
