why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
