they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
